HISTORY OF BEER.......(THIS COULD CAUSE PROBLEMS)
by BLCKOUT92
I got this as an email......just thought i would share....i know some of you might like it 
*************************************************************
Subject: history & beer
History 101
Humans existed as members of small bands of nomadic hunter/gatherers.
They lived on deer in the mountains during the summer & would go to the
coast and live on fish and lobster in winter.
The 2 most important events in all of history were the invention of beer
and the invention of the wheel. The wheel was invented to get man to
the beer. These were the foundation of modern civilization and together were the catalyst for the splitting of humanity into 2 distinct
subgroups: Liberals and Conservatives.
Once beer was discovered it required grain and that was the beginning of agriculture. Neither the glass bottle nor aluminum can were invented
yet, so while our early human ancestors were sitting around waiting for
them to be invented, they just stayed close to the brewery. That's how
villages were formed.
Some men spent their days tracking and killing animals toB-B-Q at night while they were drinking beer. This was the beginning of what is known as "the Conservative movement."
Other men who were weaker and less skilled at hunting learned to live
off the conservatives by showing up for the nightly B-B-Q's and doing
the sewing, fetching and hair dressing. This was the beginning of the
Liberal movement Some of these liberal men eventually evolved into
women. The rest became known as 'girliemen.' Some noteworthy liberal
achievements include the domestication of cats, the invention of group
therapy and group hugs and the concept of Democratic voting to decide
how to divide the meat and beer that conservatives provided.
Over the years conservatives came to be symbolized by the largest, most powerful land animal on earth, the elephant. Liberals are symbolized by the jackass.
Modern liberals like imported beer (with lime added), but most prefer
white wine or imported bottled water. They eat raw fish but like their
beef well done. Sushi, tofu, and French food are standard liberal
fare. Another interesting revolutionary side note: most of their women
have higher testosterone levels than their men. Most social workers,
personal injury attorneys, journalists, dreamers in Hollywood and group
therapists are liberals. Liberals invented the designated hitter rule
because it wasn't "fair" to make the pitcher also bat.
Conservatives drink domestic beer. They eat red meat and still provide
for their women. Conservatives are big-game hunters, rodeo cowboys,
lumberjacks, construction workers, firemen, medical doctors, police
officers, corporate executives, athletes, Marines, and generally anyone
who works productively. Conservatives who own companies hire other
conservatives who want to work for a living.
Liberals produce little or nothing. They like to "govern" the producers and decide what to do with the production. Liberals believe Europeans are more enlightened than Americans. That is why most of the liberals
remained in Europe when conservatives were coming to America. They
crept in after the Wild West was tame and created a business of trying
to get MORE for nothing.
Here ends today's lesson in world history.
It should be noted that a Liberal may have a momentary urge to angrily
respond to the above before forwarding it. A Conservative will simply
laugh and be so convinced of the absolute truth of this history that it
will be forwarded immediately to other "true believers"
*************************************************************
Subject: history & beer
History 101
Humans existed as members of small bands of nomadic hunter/gatherers.
They lived on deer in the mountains during the summer & would go to the
coast and live on fish and lobster in winter.
The 2 most important events in all of history were the invention of beer
and the invention of the wheel. The wheel was invented to get man to
the beer. These were the foundation of modern civilization and together were the catalyst for the splitting of humanity into 2 distinct
subgroups: Liberals and Conservatives.
Once beer was discovered it required grain and that was the beginning of agriculture. Neither the glass bottle nor aluminum can were invented
yet, so while our early human ancestors were sitting around waiting for
them to be invented, they just stayed close to the brewery. That's how
villages were formed.
Some men spent their days tracking and killing animals toB-B-Q at night while they were drinking beer. This was the beginning of what is known as "the Conservative movement."
Other men who were weaker and less skilled at hunting learned to live
off the conservatives by showing up for the nightly B-B-Q's and doing
the sewing, fetching and hair dressing. This was the beginning of the
Liberal movement Some of these liberal men eventually evolved into
women. The rest became known as 'girliemen.' Some noteworthy liberal
achievements include the domestication of cats, the invention of group
therapy and group hugs and the concept of Democratic voting to decide
how to divide the meat and beer that conservatives provided.
Over the years conservatives came to be symbolized by the largest, most powerful land animal on earth, the elephant. Liberals are symbolized by the jackass.
Modern liberals like imported beer (with lime added), but most prefer
white wine or imported bottled water. They eat raw fish but like their
beef well done. Sushi, tofu, and French food are standard liberal
fare. Another interesting revolutionary side note: most of their women
have higher testosterone levels than their men. Most social workers,
personal injury attorneys, journalists, dreamers in Hollywood and group
therapists are liberals. Liberals invented the designated hitter rule
because it wasn't "fair" to make the pitcher also bat.
Conservatives drink domestic beer. They eat red meat and still provide
for their women. Conservatives are big-game hunters, rodeo cowboys,
lumberjacks, construction workers, firemen, medical doctors, police
officers, corporate executives, athletes, Marines, and generally anyone
who works productively. Conservatives who own companies hire other
conservatives who want to work for a living.
Liberals produce little or nothing. They like to "govern" the producers and decide what to do with the production. Liberals believe Europeans are more enlightened than Americans. That is why most of the liberals
remained in Europe when conservatives were coming to America. They
crept in after the Wild West was tame and created a business of trying
to get MORE for nothing.
Here ends today's lesson in world history.
It should be noted that a Liberal may have a momentary urge to angrily
respond to the above before forwarding it. A Conservative will simply
laugh and be so convinced of the absolute truth of this history that it
will be forwarded immediately to other "true believers"
God created turbo lag to give V8's a chance.
